Why am i upset that my ex is dating

Many people have an unconscious motivation to seek out relationships that reinforce critical thoughts they have long had toward themselves and replay negative aspects of their childhoods.These may be unpleasant, but breaking with old patterns can cause us a great deal of anxiety and discomfort and make us feel strangely alien and alone in a more loving environment.With time and painful experiences, we all risk building up varying degrees of bitterness and becoming defended.This process begins long before we start dating, in our childhoods, when hurtful interactions and dynamics lead us to put up walls or perceive the world through a filter that can negatively impact us as adults.

why am i upset that my ex is dating-60why am i upset that my ex is dating-12why am i upset that my ex is dating-1

A friend of mine felt closed off to a man who pursued her for more than a year.The reality is that most people can only tolerate a certain amount of closeness. In effect, on a deeper level, we don’t necessarily want the love we say we want.4) Pickiness Our own defenses often leave us feeling pickier and more judgmental.This is particularly true after we’ve had bad experiences, where we were deceived or rejected by a person for whom we had strong feelings.After all, others can be cruel; you will get hurt, and no, it isn’t always your fault.But the reality is that we hold more power over our romantic destiny than we often think.As a result, we tend to blame our singleness on external forces and fail to recognize that we aren’t as open as we think.2) Unhealthy Attractions When we act on our defenses, we tend to choose less-than-ideal relationship partners.

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